Hello all!
I'm hoping that this doesn't come out as a mess but that's how it feels in my head, so I'm just going to roll with it. Life is better. I decided on what tattoo I want. Actually, I've decided on several, but that's a discussion for later. I lost my relationship with Levi, but I'm not that fussed about it, surprisingly. I have started realizing who my real friends are. They're the ones who accept me exactly as I am, no changes wanted or needed. They take me, my crazy ideas, my bad manners, my foul mouth, and everything else and they love me anyway. And you know, I really don't feel all that bad that Levi and I aren't together. Did I think I was falling in love with him? Yeah, I kinda did. Was I prepared to maybe marry him? Yeah, I might have been. But, am I ever going to be able to be caged by someone who's supposed to love me? HELL NO! I will not stand here and let someone make me feel bad because of my decision to be free. I am my own person and I may not always choose the best path, but I learn from my mistakes. I may upset and offend people on a regular basis, but I'm not going to apologize for how I feel. If I have to watch what I say around you just so that I don't offend you, I'm not gonna hang around you that often. Do I have a foul mouth? Yeah, sometimes I do. Do I know that there are other ways to express myself? Yes, yes I do. However, there are times when I don't want to use different words to express myself. I want to rant and rave and be angry and cuss even though I know I don't have to. There are times when cuss words are the only ones that you feel can fully express what you're trying to say. So, I have a potty mouth. So what? So, I make jokes about alcohol and I want a tattoo or two or more. SO WHAT? I am who I am and I will not become someone else just because one person asks me to. I will not change who I am at the core for one person. I refused to change my core beliefs for a man my mother married; I'm sure as hell not going to do it for a boy who can't even tell his parents to butt out of his decisions. I am who I am and if you can't handle me, you don't need to be in my life. It's simple as this: If you love me, you have to love every part of me. You have to be able to accept my foul language and my ink and the fact that I'm not always the brightest Crayola in the pack. You have to understand that even though I may offend you, if I was in the wrong, I will apologize in my own good time. You have to realize that I am an individual, I am a free spirit and I will NOT be told how high I can fly. I will not allow anyone to clip my wings and if that means making an enemy out of someone I thought I loved, so be it. I've got plenty of people who accept me exactly as I am and who don't care how I express myself or how much I say stupid things, they love me anyway. My mom. My brothers. My true friends. My people. I'm never letting them go because they make me realize how good I truly am. I am beautiful because I know my flaws. I am a lover because I am a fighter. I am strong because I have been weak. I am wise because I have been foolish. I am able to stand up for myself because I've been walked on. If you can't handle that, don't let the door hit you in the behind on your way out of my life. Don't try to fix me; I'm not broken.
Sorry about the rant, but I just had to get it out. At least it's less of a mess than it was in my head! <3
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